I've been on both sides of the fence thinking that church was an absolute, when I was in my teens, and thinking it wasn't needed during half my twenties. Now, I fall somewhere in between. No we don't HAVE to go to an ordained church, if you will. Though, we should gather together in worship and prayer, as there is power in numbers. Fellowship is so needed for our souls. Otherwise, why would anyone talk to anyone else? Fellowship with God and with other believers brings a strength of faith into our hearts that isn't easy to garner on our own. Personally, I think it is impossible to find that strength without God. Sadly, we don't always find such strength or faith within the walls of the church. For many years, I looked for it outside of the church.
It wasn't until one of my best friends, and mentors, began to desire corporate worship, that I considered going to church again. I'd tried attending churches a few times before this, but hadn't found one that I felt drawn to. One Easter she asked if I'd go check out a church with her. I did. I soon moved away from there, and though she didn't continue at that church, she did find a church near her home and became a regular attendee. After my move, she encouraged me to also find a church and settle into it. At first I attended the church one of my girls was going to preschool at. The following year, I moved over to another church, not because I disliked the first church, but because I was moved to. Another year or so later and we moved up here, where I searched for a church to be a part of. Not just as an attendee, like I had been, but one where I could not only be served but also serve. That's how I ended up at the church I attend now. It helped that it is a sister church, so to speak, of the last one I had frequented.
Last night was our mid week bible study. Between the 30-45 minutes of genuine worship, a scripture our Pastor referenced, and the message the Youth Pastors shared, it was clear to me, God had something to say to me and wanted me to listen.
Usually when I pray I mostly pray for my needs and the needs of those close to me. Last night, my focus shifted to deeper prayers. Not just for myself and my loved ones, but towards strangers and enemies as well. And for a while, I wasn't worried. I wasn't afraid. I was full of hope. A refreshing sense, as I had asked God earlier in the day to help me with all that I was feeling concerning my daughter going to school outside of the home.
As we read over Matthew 6:25-34,
25 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life[a]?
28 “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? 31 So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
it became even more clear how much God doesn't want me to worry. I've read this scripture many times before, underlining it, and highlighting it. However, this time, I realized, instead of just reading it, I need to make a habit of meditating on it. After all, we are supposed to meditate on the word.
Joshua 1:8
8 Keep this Book of the Law always on your lips; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful.
Psalm 1:1-2
1 Blessed is the one
who does not walk in step with the wicked
or stand in the way that sinners take
or sit in the company of mockers,
2 but whose delight is in the law of the Lord,
and who meditates on his law day and night.
who does not walk in step with the wicked
or stand in the way that sinners take
or sit in the company of mockers,
2 but whose delight is in the law of the Lord,
and who meditates on his law day and night.
On the way home, I was already determined to meditate on this, and then my oldest blessing told me about the message from youth group. I can't remember all that she said, but she talked about the Jericho march and how, though we may not physically march around the things and people we want to reach out to, we can march around them with prayer and love. One example, of course, was praying for friends at school.
That struck it's own chord with me. Not only could I "march" around my habit of needless worry, I could trust that, there is a possibility that maybe I haven't failed but that God has a plan that I cannot see or know for my daughter, who will be going to school. For all I know, there is someone, or many someones, who need her witness, faith, testimony, love, and prayers. Maybe she is the silent warrior they need to help them find strength in God to breakdown their walls. It may sound silly or ridiculous, especially for non-believers, but the fact that I found it easier to consider myself a failure than to consider I don't know everything God is about, well that's pretty ridiculous to me. Which reminds me of how I need to heed
Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the Lord
with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your
ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.
