Bible Study Part 6

Psalm 22 - vs1-15 I prayed something similar to that this weekend and I have felt similar to vs14-15

vs16-20 makes me think of the crucifixion of Jesus.

In spite of these things, David still turns to God, leans on Him, and praises Him! I really need to work on being more like that.

Proverbs 22 - vs6 I honestly hate the way I was trained. I try to do better, but I still fall to those same things my parents did. I try to educate myself, but I still make the same mistakes they made. I look at my kids and I think "Of course things are this way, because you didn't do it right. You did the same things you always said you wouldn't." and that's true I have. I hate it. I don't always fall to those things. Sometimes I do a fantastic job with my kids, just like sometimes my parents did fantastic with me. I feel like I can do tons of great things but if I screw up big with my kids once, it's almost like the rest is erased. I can see the change it brings in them. When I've spanked them. When I've yelled at them. It breaks my heart sometimes. I know I shouldn't beat myself up, they do need to be disciplined, but I feel more like I just punish them than I actually teach them. Although, I know I'm teaching them. Just like my parents taught me. And I pray to God they do better than I have. I know in some ways, I'm doing better than my parents did.

vs15 I need to really sink into my brain. That my kids are still developing and learning and, sometimes, my expectations are too high and I need to work on reaching them on THEIR level and not the level I want them to be on already.

Obviously I need to pray before reading next time. I know I could get more out of these scriptures. One thing I am getting is that it is time for change in my life. Which sounds nuts in a way because there already is a lot of stuff going on in my life and there have already been a lot of changes lately. But I need spiritual change in my heart. The most important thing in my life to me is my kids. I know I'm a good mom. People tell me that all the time. But when I get angry with them and yell at them, spank them, have them "running away", it makes me feel like a massive, steaming pile of poo. And it's a feeling that isn't leaving. I'm tired of it. I'm sick of seeing my kids feeling sad and looking half empty. I know it isn't all me, but I know I could be doing things differently. I could be doing things better. Right now, I don't even want to be in massage school. I haven't had any interest in studying, though I've made myself. I'm interested and excited in class, but I do not look forward to doing clinic. I hate being away from the kids especially my baby and feel really guilty about it, because I don't feel as connected to him as I want to. I miss my baby. And I only have class twice a week, although I'm basically gone all day one of those days and though he handles it pretty well, it is taking a toll on me. I'm so ready for school to be done. Why did I go again? J/k I remember why I chose to go. And I know why I'm choosing to be back right now. So I will take a deep deep deep breath and I will find something good in all this hot sticky mess and I will praise God for it and let go of all of that and choose to enjoy this day and make at least one good memory in it.

God, thank you that, even when I'm feeling like a puddle of toxic waste, you still love me. You still hold me and lift me up. You still find value in me. Thank you that your love is ready and available for me, waiting for me to just open up and receive it. Thank you for the opportunities you've opened up in my life, especially the opportunity to bring 4 amazing, beautiful lives into this world. Help me to be the parent they need. To be loving and compassionate. To truly listen when they speak and even more when they don't. You know how much I love them, Lord. Help me to live in a way that would express that love to them as constantly and freely as your love is.

Psalm 23 - vs1 The Lord leads us and He guides us. He cares for us. When we follow Him, He meets our needs.


vs2 When we follow the path God brings us down (or maybe it is up...) He will give us a place to rest and a place to find peace.

vs3 No matter who we've been, how we've been, where we've been God can change us, if we let Him. He can heal us and make us whole again. And what He does in us, through us, and to us, will only glorify Him and shine His love into the world, even more brightly than before.

vs4 As we walk through this world with all the distractions it has, with all the fear and the chaos, as we lean on God's guidance, we learn how to not only survive but to thrive in this world. And if we fall He is there to lift us up, to brush us off, and to encourage and inspire us still.

vs5 no matter what isn't right in our lives, no matter who is coming against us, God will feed our spirits until we are overflowing with His love (and he'll just keep on feeding us :) )

vs6 I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever. I can't even imagine how amazing that will be, but I look forward to it.


Proverbs 23 - For me the main thing is not to want the things of this world. Choose God and His ways over the ways of society. When we want the things of this world it's never truly satisfying when we get it and it is easily lost. We're easily broken and ruined by earthly ways. But when we want God we are satisfied and taken care of for the Lord is forever.

Psalm 24 - The first half makes me think of how God gave us charge over all the Earth. It is our job to take care of it. Sometimes I seriously think I want to take my family and go and live in community with the Earth and not in our modern over stimulated, time lacking society. I want to go and tend to the Earth and the animals of the Earth in communion with God and my family like Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden.
The rest makes me think about how MIGHTY God is and how I need to just let everything fall into His hands.

Proverbs 24 - I can't really focus on it right now, because I'm a little distracted but in a way some of it is just confirmation to me of something I was thinking of. It is our job as parents, to act as a team in becoming educated about what our kids' opportunities are and what ones are best for them and for our family and not just going with whatever the herd is doing. Being wise and making educated choices! If you can put tons of research and time and effort into buying, owning, and maintaining a car or computer or even a tv, should you not put at least that much into your kids?