August 28, 2011

Lately, I've had a lot on my mind. There is the process of moving. We're still in limbo on a few things, there. There is homeschooling. Finally got most of our school supplies. The kids can't stand to wait one more week, so we'll be starting that adventure tomorrow! They are very excited, as am I. I'm definitely better organized this time. On top of those things, there is the normal worries. However, I also have some big curiosities.

The parable of the talents has been on my mind a lot. You can find it in Matthew 25. I know that there is a move in my heart to start taking my gifts and talents seriously and trusting that they are good enough. That I am good enough. These are things that I could easily do around my kids. Things that wouldn't take much away from my family, but instead richly bless our family. Not just as an income, but in many other ways as well. Counter to that concept I have also been thinking of potentially working toward doula certification, yoga instructor certification, traditional naturopathy training, and practical midwife certification. Those are not things I can do around my family so much. I'd be working to complete training for all of those over the next 5 years. But is that the right choice to make? I don't know. It's a lot of stuff and a lot of time. I could always do just one of those, but I feel they all go hand in hand. Different ways, like massage, to treat the whole body. It'd be really cool to be like an old fashioned medicine woman. And maybe in time I will go that route. The question is, I guess, do I do it now or wait until my kids are older.

I've also had mortality on my mind. I'm young, but young people do die sometimes. I don't know why I've been having thoughts about it. They always leave me sad and wondering where my priorities lie, what could I be doing differently, and what is my life about. The idea of not being here for my kids breaks my heart. But even our kids shouldn't come before God. I fear death. I fear not living purposefully, but instead being a life wasted through idleness. I don't get out much, share God's love much, or make much of a difference in this world, I don't think. Will my life be a blessing to God? Is it a blessing? I pray I have a long time to figure that out.