Tonight was our first family worship night. Of course it didn't go as smoothly as I would've liked, but God still met me here. We started with prayer. One daughter had a request, for our 9 year old cat who doesn't seem to have much time left. We prayed. Then my other daughter read a scripture from Jeremiah. After that, we took turns leading a song. My older son was out to destroy things though, so I was getting frustrated. I prayed about it and against it. I was upset, because I was reminding myself of my mother. I just kept getting angrier. I felt like I was spiritually under attack and losing big time. My kids went outside to play and I prayed "WHY was I like this? Why was I so angry? Why did I feel so spiritually heavy? All I want is for my family to come together and worship in unity." and God answered. I have so much anger and pain built up inside of me that it has turned into hate. Today it was the hate I have for the person my mother chose to be, that weighed me down so strongly. I hate the choices that she made. I haven't forgiven her for any of it. I've never allowed myself to deal with any of that, because it is wrong. It's wrong to be angry with people, even when they hurt us. It's wrong to have negative feelings about your parents, even if they were the worst parents in the world. Mine weren't, by any means. We're supposed to be loving and forgiving, accepting and supportive. The problem is God never said we wouldn't feel that way, He just said to bring those feelings to him and I never really have. I cried bitterly, praying not only for God's forgiveness, but for the Lord to open my eyes to see my mother through his eyes and to have the courage to forgive her. That I would have the strength to pray for her in faith believing what God can do in her heart and in her life. As I prayed I felt some of that heavy weight lifting up off of me, out of me. At the same time I felt God whisper to me, "This is just the beginning". When my communion with the Lord was finished and I had wiped away the tears, this song came on K-LOVE and reminded me that God is healing me.:
Water You turned into wine
Open the eyes of the blind
There’s no one like You
None like You
Into the darkness You shine
Out of the ashes we rise
There’s no one like You
None like You
CHORUS
Our God is greater, our God is stronger
God You are higher than any other
Our God is Healer, awesome in power
Our God, Our God…
Into the darkness you shining
Out of the ashes we Rise
There’s no One like You
None like You.
Our God is greater, our God is stronger
God You are higher than any other
Our God is Healer, awesome in power
Our God, Our God…
Our God is greater, our God is stronger
God You are higher than any other
Our God is Healer, awesome in power
Our God, Our God…
BRIDGE
And if Our God is for us, then who could ever stop us
And if our God is with us, then what can stand against?
And if Our God is for us, then who could ever stop us
And if our God is with us, then what can stand against?
What can stand against?
Our God is greater, our God is stronger
God You are higher than any other
Our God is Healer, awesome in power
Our God, Our God…
Our God is greater, our God is stronger
God You are higher than any other
Our God is Healer, awesome in power
Our God, Our God…
And if Our God is for us, then who could ever stop us
And if our God is with us, then what can stand against?
And if Our God is for us, then who can ever stop us
And if our God is with us, then what can stand against?
Then what can stand against?
Then what can stand against?
Our God is greater, our God is stronger
God You are higher than any other
Our God is Healer, awesome in power
Our God, Our God…
Our God is greater, our God is stronger
God You are higher than any other
Our God is Healer, awesome in power
Our God, Our God…
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