June 18, 2011

"God never said it would be easy."

I hear, and read, that phrase quite often. Today, it was true for me. It's not like it was a difficult day, just a more aware day. I woke up and my mind started racing to all the thoughts it usually does. Anxieties, fears, worries, to-dos, etc. Then a calm came over me and the word "Stop." whispered through me, gently. Immediately I realized why. I have a goal of letting go of everything and giving it all to God. After all the bible doesn't say "Seek ye first the things that may or may not happen tomorrow or next week or month or year or even decade." It doesn't say "Focus on why your plans for the day have been ruined, due to the rain." It doesn't say "Stay here and curl up until the feelings of desperation disappear." Nope. What it does say is "Seek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness." From the moment I wake up til the moment I lose consciousness in the depths of sleep, I want to seek God and His righteousness. To ever be in worship of Him. To be always present in His presence. I won't find that in my obsession of "When will our house sell?" "Will we be able to get this house that I want?" "How do I convince my husband that we should homeschool and that things should be this way or that way." Normally I talk and talk trying to get my words through, but the bible says that the best way to win a person is through our actions. Not through actively trying to force a person to change, but through allowing yourself to change while leaving the other person and their choices in the hands of God. God has been moving in my heart so much lately. Times when I'd normally speak up and chatter away in vain, I've instead managed to remain silent and give my anxieties, fears, and worries to the Lord. I'm still very new at this though, so of course I'm not always successful with it and even as I get better I'll still slip up from time to time. Freedom. It's my word for this year. Freedom of fear is my biggest challenge. In it lies all the other things I need to be freed from. It is the foundation of what stands between me and complete spiritual freedom.