This morning, after I finally managed to go to sleep after working on one of the kid's costumes, I kept hearing the chorus to "Lead Me" by Sanctus Real playing over and over. At church this morning, as we spent time in worship, I realized that it was my heart crying out to God. A prayer for my family. It was a merge service today. That's where the kids join the parents for the morning worship and service. My husband doesn't attend church with us, partially because he works on Sunday mornings. My girls have grown up in and out of church. Mostly out. They don't behave well in service most of the time, so I don't take them much, even though they beg to go. I stood there, trying to sing the songs only to be distracted by my girls playing around or coming in and out of the sanctuary because they needed water or a bathroom break. I felt judged as I saw people looking at them as they climbed under the chairs. And I felt ashamed for not doing a better job of training them up. Then God spoke to my heart. I don't go to church to please these people or because I'm perfect. I go because I want to be around others who love the Lord. I go to find strength and support. To be spiritually fed in ways that I can't be fed on my own. Do my children need to learn how to act more appropriately? Yes, of course. However, beating myself up about it or letting the judgments of others tear me down isn't going to make it happen. The fact is, though they may seem distracted and disruptive, they are still in God's presence. They are still hearing his word. God is moving in them. It may take time for them to reach a point where they truly see God in their own hearts, minds, and eyes. In time they'll sit in the seat without wrestling around, as they take in more and more of what God is pouring out in them in the services. God understands. He knows our hearts and our lives. He is forgiving of their disruptiveness and of my lack of better parenting in the first place. I believe, the Lord is just happy to have them there. Happy they are in His presence. There are a lot worse places they could be. I felt him speak patience to me and reminded me of how I too was a disruptive service attendee. I too used to crawl under the seats and make excuses to leave the service. That, I too, was still in His presence and still receiving him, even though I seemed distracted. I have hope and faith that God is moving in the hearts of my children, whether *I* can see it or not. Because his relationship with them is personal. It's not mine to control, but theirs to build. Just as my relationship with him is my choice.
I think we need to remember that when we are in church and we see a parent with their kids, not to judge them negatively. Maybe those parents don't dress, or look, or act like one might expect a church goer to. Maybe their kids seem rude and obnoxious, disruptive, unruly. Too often we look at them and judge them. What terrible parents. Their kids should know better. Those parents need to do something about them. Etc...etc.. We don't often think about how Jesus said to allow the children to go to him. Jesus hung out with the sinners. The heathens. The lowly. He loved them just as much as he loved those regular followers. He came for those who are lost. How can we turn the lost away for being lost, when they are the very ones we're supposed to be reaching out to. After all, we all experience one time or another of imperfection in our children, our parenting, our lives, and so on. Of course, it starts within our own family and our own lives. Taking the logs out of our eyes before trying to remove the splinters from the eyes of others.
Sanctus Real - “Lead Me”
I look around and see my wonderful life
Almost perfect from the outside
In picture frames I see my beautiful wife
Always smiling
But on the inside, I can hear her saying...
“Lead me with strong hands
Stand up when I can't
Don't leave me hungry for love
Chasing dreams, what about us?
Show me you're willing to fight
That I'm still the love of your life
I know we call this our home
But I still feel alone”
I see their faces, look in their innocent eyes
They're just children from the outside
I'm working hard, I tell myself they'll be fine
They're independent
But on the inside, I can hear them saying...
“Lead me with strong hands
Stand up when I can't
Don't leave me hungry for love
Chasing dreams, but what about us?
Show me you're willing to fight
That I'm still the love of your life
I know we call this our home
But I still feel alone”
So Father, give me the strength
To be everything I'm called to be
Oh, Father, show me the way
To lead them
Won't You lead me?
To lead them with strong hands
To stand up when they can't
Don't want to leave them hungry for love,
Chasing things that I could give up
I'll show them I'm willing to fight
And give them the best of my life
So we can call this our home
Lead me, 'cause I can't do this alone
Father, lead me, 'cause I can't do this alone
