Oct 31st

This morning, after I finally managed to go to sleep after working on one of the kid's costumes, I kept hearing the chorus to "Lead Me" by Sanctus Real playing over and over. At church this morning, as we spent time in worship, I realized that it was my heart crying out to God. A prayer for my family. It was a merge service today. That's where the kids join the parents for the morning worship and service. My husband doesn't attend church with us, partially because he works on Sunday mornings. My girls have grown up in and out of church. Mostly out. They don't behave well in service most of the time, so I don't take them much, even though they beg to go. I stood there, trying to sing the songs only to be distracted by my girls playing around or coming in and out of the sanctuary because they needed water or a bathroom break. I felt judged as I saw people looking at them as they climbed under the chairs. And I felt ashamed for not doing a better job of training them up. Then God spoke to my heart. I don't go to church to please these people or because I'm perfect. I go because I want to be around others who love the Lord. I go to find strength and support. To be spiritually fed in ways that I can't be fed on my own. Do my children need to learn how to act more appropriately? Yes, of course. However, beating myself up about it or letting the judgments of others tear me down isn't going to make it happen. The fact is, though they may seem distracted and disruptive, they are still in God's presence. They are still hearing his word. God is moving in them. It may take time for them to reach a point where they truly see God in their own hearts, minds, and eyes. In time they'll sit in the seat without wrestling around, as they take in more and more of what God is pouring out in them in the services. God understands. He knows our hearts and our lives. He is forgiving of their disruptiveness and of my lack of better parenting in the first place. I believe, the Lord is just happy to have them there. Happy they are in His presence. There are a lot worse places they could be. I felt him speak patience to me and reminded me of how I too was a disruptive service attendee. I too used to crawl under the seats and make excuses to leave the service. That, I too, was still in His presence and still receiving him, even though I seemed distracted. I have hope and faith that God is moving in the hearts of my children, whether *I* can see it or not. Because his relationship with them is personal. It's not mine to control, but theirs to build. Just as my relationship with him is my choice.

I think we need to remember that when we are in church and we see a parent with their kids, not to judge them negatively. Maybe those parents don't dress, or look, or act like one might expect a church goer to. Maybe their kids seem rude and obnoxious, disruptive, unruly. Too often we look at them and judge them. What terrible parents. Their kids should know better. Those parents need to do something about them. Etc...etc.. We don't often think about how Jesus said to allow the children to go to him. Jesus hung out with the sinners. The heathens. The lowly. He loved them just as much as he loved those regular followers. He came for those who are lost. How can we turn the lost away for being lost, when they are the very ones we're supposed to be reaching out to. After all, we all experience one time or another of imperfection in our children, our parenting, our lives, and so on. Of course, it starts within our own family and our own lives. Taking the logs out of our eyes before trying to remove the splinters from the eyes of others.

Sanctus Real - “Lead Me”

I look around and see my wonderful life
Almost perfect from the outside
In picture frames I see my beautiful wife
Always smiling
But on the inside, I can hear her saying...

“Lead me with strong hands
Stand up when I can't
Don't leave me hungry for love
Chasing dreams, what about us?

Show me you're willing to fight
That I'm still the love of your life
I know we call this our home
But I still feel alone”

I see their faces, look in their innocent eyes
They're just children from the outside
I'm working hard, I tell myself they'll be fine
They're independent
But on the inside, I can hear them saying...

“Lead me with strong hands
Stand up when I can't
Don't leave me hungry for love
Chasing dreams, but what about us?

Show me you're willing to fight
That I'm still the love of your life
I know we call this our home
But I still feel alone”

So Father, give me the strength
To be everything I'm called to be
Oh, Father, show me the way
To lead them
Won't You lead me?

To lead them with strong hands
To stand up when they can't
Don't want to leave them hungry for love,
Chasing things that I could give up

I'll show them I'm willing to fight
And give them the best of my life
So we can call this our home
Lead me, 'cause I can't do this alone

Father, lead me, 'cause I can't do this alone

Jesus Loves Me

Today during worship we sang the song "Lead Me to the Cross", by Hillsong. As we sang I had a vision. Jesus was on the cross covered in my sins. Not just like a weight, but like he was swimming in them. Like they had engulfed him. Then he rose and stood before me. His eyes were like piercing blue mirrors that reflected back to me all the darkest parts of me and more. They showed me his understanding and knowing of what was inside of me. They showed me how he truly felt my hurt, my sorrow, and everything. Most of all, as tears rolled down his cheeks in sync with my own, I saw his love. Pure, unconditional, unadulterated love. I saw him hold my spirit in his arms like a child. Wiping my tears and washing away the dirt stains, created by my Earthliness. It was amazing and I could see where some would think "Whatever" but this was real. God is real. I don't doubt that. It amazes me how much God loves me. I've never known love like that. Love that sees past all the shadows and grime and whatnot to the very core, the very center that is us. An us we don't fully know or understand. The us that God created.

Hillsong United - Lead Me To The Cross lyrics

Savior I come
Quiet my soul remember
Redemption's hill
Where Your blood was spilled
For my ransom
Everything I once held dear
I count it all as loss

Chorus:
Lead me to the cross
Where Your love poured out
Bring me to my knees
Lord I lay me down
Rid me of myself
I belong to You
Oh Lead me, lead me to the cross

You were as I
Tempted and tried
Human
The word became flesh
Bore my sin and death
Now you're risen
Everything I once held dear
I count it all as loss

Chorus

Bridge:
To your heart
To your heart
Lead me to your heart
Lead me to your heart



Lyrics | Hillsong United lyrics - Lead Me To The Cross lyrics

Today at church the lesson was on the purpose of trials. Trials are not about the answer at the end, but about us becoming more like Christ. When we reach that point where we say “God gives and God can take away.” As Job once did. Or like Abraham when he said “God can bring my son life again” when God had asked him to sacrifice Isaac. It’s a point we reach where we truly give ourselves to God. In the Business of Being Born the midwife in the film talks about her giving birth. It was when she finally gave into her body and what it was telling her to do. When she finally let go. That is when her baby arrived. I too have had a similar experience while giving birth. I thought it wouldn’t take long, since my last birth hadn’t. I thought it would be easier. I was wrong. Looking back I realize how God showed me how to let go. It wasn’t easy. It took defeat. Labor lasted a lot longer than I had imagined it would. It was intense. I was scared and wanted to be done. Thoughts raced through my mind from time to time. If I’d gotten a c-section, I wouldn’t be in so much pain and discomfort. I’d already be holding my baby. I wouldn’t be worried about them and why it was taking so long for their arrival. I considered giving up. I was too weak, too tired, to continue. I almost cried many times, because I felt like such a failure. It was when I finally said to myself, I can’t do this without God, that my baby finally arrived. I cried out, “God help me!” as I thought, “Without you I just might die.” My baby was born. All the fear was gone. This precious life in my arms, melted away everything, and filled me with the love of God. I learned that I am a fighter as much as a lover, if it's for the right cause. Jesus was also a fighter and a lover.

Sept 3rd

So far, adjusting to our new little one has been pretty easy. Much easier than adjusting to 3. It helps that this little one is a pretty laid back baby who nurses really well, most of the time. Our older kids love and adore him, which makes things even easier. I'd say, really the only problem has been tandem nursing and trying to figure out the best way to go about it.

I never planned to tandem nurse or even to nurse as long as we have, it's just worked out that way. I've considered stopping. Even worked towards it a couple of times. I know in time it will happen. However, I do think it is helping with the adjustment of a new baby.

Public schooling, so far, is going well. It certainly helps that we're very proactive in the kids' studies. I've mainly appreciated the fact that I've been able to get the rest and relaxation I've needed to recover well from giving birth. This is honestly the best postpartum recovery I've had. I haven't had to stress about their lessons or anything. And they aren't at home fighting all day. However, I do look forward to the end of the year and deciding what we'll do next year. I want to homeschool again, but we will see. I see pros and cons to both styles of learning. I still like the idea of homeschooling more, though.

I'm excited that it is finally football season again. I love fall and have been looking forward to it's arrival all summer. I know that technically it isn't fall until the 21st. To me, though, fall starts Sept 1st. I don't know why. It just does. And I love it. The crisp cool air. The warm fuzzy feelings. Harvest season. The colors. The fun things that happen around this time of year. One problem with it is homesickness. It makes me want to be surrounded by family even more than any other time of year. I don't live near family, however, so that's kind of difficult.

My baby has arrived

And here is our story...

So around 4:15pm on Friday, I realized that I was having some fairly consistent contractions so I started writing them down. About an hour and a half or so later I called my best friend and I called my midwife and let them know what was going on. I was worried it was still false labor because I've always lost my mucous plug first and hadn't yet. I ended up losing my mucous plug about 30 mins, I think, after I had called them. When I did, my kids and I went about setting up the pool and making sure everything was all set to go. My midwife showed up around 9 or 9:30, I think. That's when I started getting into a more active labor. My best friend showed up about 11:15 and my midwife checked me to see if she could feel a bum or a foot. My bag was bulging, though, so she couldn't. I was 8cm at that time, so we all thought it wouldn't be too long. I had a short labor with ds1. I labored on the toilet, kneeling beside my bed, standing, and in the pool. I don't remember when hard labor hit, but it was intense. It was made worse by the fact that I was super tired since I woke up at 6:15 or so on Friday morning and I hadn't had a nap. Thankfully I was able to nap between contractions at some point. I did reach a point, because for me things seemed to be taking a long time, where I felt like I was failing and I lost focus. Thankfully I had a great team there to bring me back and remind me to listen to my body. At 4:58 or so my water finally broke. I felt like that's what we'd been waiting for all that time. The first contraction after that hit me really hard, and I had a fight or flight reaction, but I was brought back to focus very quickly by my team. I was just so tired! My son was fully out at 5:04. First his bum came out, then his legs came out together, followed by one arm. When the second arm came out his head popped right on out too. I'm a really good pusher, from what I've been told. It did feel like fire a little bit, but it was also amazing. I reached down to catch him. He did have the cord wrapped around, but we got it off as soon as I had him up to my chest. He had no bruising. No troubles coming out. Nothing. It was awesome. He hasn't held his legs up at all like they were in the womb. He does have the breech baby football head, which I think is really cute. As soon as he was born I had him against my chest for skin to skin and within probably 10 mins I had delivered the placenta and was working on nursing. Another amazing thing is, I didn't tear. After he was born the family came in to meet him. They'd all been sleeping. It was just beautiful and wonderful. I'm so thankful that it turned out as perfectly as it did and that my body was allowed to work they way it was built to. That my son is here and has had no issue or anything. I was a breech baby too, and my mom's only c-section. Although, I was also a stargazer. This little one, thankfully, wasn't.

Breech doesn't have to be scary or dealt with surgically. It's just an alternative to the head down position. As long as you have faith, take good care of your mind and body, educate yourself, and have an educated, supportive team, breech birth is just as safe as a non-breech. My son is evidence of that.

There was a full moon lastnight. However, this baby doesn't seem to have plans to come any time soon. At least that's my guess. Which is ok since dumplin' isn't due just yet, though s/he can safely come anytime they want to. I pretty much have everything I need for right now for the baby, that I can think of. Although we still need to get a carseat, but we're having a homebirth so we don't need it right away. And I do still have the hose and adapter to get for the birth pool. Other than that I think we're good. I have some cloth diapers, and can wait til after dumplin' gets here to get the rest, since s/he will start out in disposables for the first little bit anyway. I've started on some cloth nursing pads, which I'm excited about, but if they don't get done before baby comes I know I have friends who will finish them for me while I recoupe. My bedroom is pretty much ready. Just have a couple things to move to the garage. The laundry room is ready. And the rest of the house is pretty much tidied up, except for a vacuuming. Maybe if I get ALL of that taken care of, this baby will decide to arrive! haha Who knows. I've been getting impatient about it lately. So many ladies in a due date club I'm part of have had babies in the last week, even some ladies whose due dates were after mine. And this is one reason I just don't put much in to a due date anyway. I'll get back to that thought, in a moment. Add to that the feeling of heaviness like I'm so full I can't eat anymore except it isn't in my stomache. And the moodiness. My goodness. I'm snippy this week. And lastnight, I had my fan on, but I was still horribly hot. I will say that one of the things that annoys me the most though, is when people ask me about my due date. I haven't really told many people when I'm "due" because most people don't actually deliver then. I just tell them sometime this summer or what have you. Yet they keep asking like it's some magical important number. It isn't. NONE of my kids have come on their due date. Just around it. I think it all goes back to the moodiness though. I'm ready to have my body back and be holding this baby in my arms.

Well the girls and I entered the county fair. My girls both got blue ribbons for their cloverbud cookies and their art work. My younger daughter actually earned the purple championship ribbon for her artwork. I was so excited for her. I won the white 3rd place ribbon for a jewelry set I entered. I was so excited, because not all entrants got a ribbon.

I've made more jewelry for my etsy shop, just need to get photos and list them. I've got 18 items up so far. No sells still, but a couple of people have added me to their favorites and one even sent me a message of encouragement. I thought that was pretty cool. I figure I'll keep plugging away and enjoying what I do. Who knows what the holiday season will bring for me.

Dh just applied for a new location. I'm very VERY excited about it and can't wait to find out if he'll get it or not. I'm hoping that he does. I'm so excited that I'm losing sleep and stuff over it. I try really hard not to obsess about the possibility, but it just feels right.

I'm also getting more and more excited about dumplin' coming earthside. I don't know if dumplin' plans to come early or if I'm just so excited to meet them, but I've been counting down the weeks until dumplin' can arrive safely. Not how many weeks til the estimated due date. I can't tell what position dumplin' is in. I have an appointment coming up, though and might be able to find out then, though it still doesn't really matter yet.

I will say I'm looking forward to not having pregnancy induced nightmares. I know they say pregnancy can cause weird dreams, but I'd rather that I didn't have them.

Today, I am actually up early. I got up just before 7 this morning. It was kind of neat. I was able to get the laundry going so I have the clothes I want for church today. Now I'm laying in bed, enjoying the color of the sun rays streaming through my blinds as I check my online stuff. What a beautiful way to start the day. I should try it more often.

I've listed a few more items on etsy and lowered my prices in hopes of a sale, but so far no one has bought any of the jewelry. Someone did heart my shop though and that made me feel good. I don't know them, which made me feel even better.

This baby was breech, I'm pretty sure, but as of right now I think they may be transverse, trying to turn around. I'm feeling a lot less movement in the lower regions (which is a relief) and more up top. I don't have a problem with the idea of delivering a breech baby. I know it's possible and I trust that my body knows what to do. However, it's nice to not get kicked in the cervix. hahaha

I still have plenty of time before this baby comes, but part of me is ready for that time to fly by so I can greet this little pereson. This is the most natural pregnancy I've had. It's had the least disruptions and poking and prodding and possibly even pregnancy related stress. I've had other stresses, but very few concerning my pregnancy or the birth of this beautiful little one, that I have to wait to meet! I don't remember being this excited with past pregnancies. With my girls, I had so many unnecessary "interruptions" that hospitals require or I didn't realize I could say no to. With my son I had some, though not all of them. His was better. But with all of them, I knew what they were supposed to be coming out as. My son I wasn't supposed to. I did NOT want to know. I told the u/s techs this and yet one opened her big mouth and told me anyway. She was even the one doing the training! The trainee was very good about not telling. He seemed to respect how important it was for me to not know and I appreciated that. This time, I opted out of the u/s. I've had one this pregnancy to get an estimate of gestation since I had no clue when I got pregnant and I'm glad I did, because I was a month off! And to me the baby looked fine then. I trust this baby is doing very well and see no need to subject them to the invasion of a u/s. Sorry off my soap box. Anyway, truly having no clue what my baby is going to be, and just having faith in God, my body, and this baby is AMAZING! And it makes it so much more intimate and exciting for me. I'm thankful I've been educated enough, now, that I was able to make the choices I've made and that I've been able to have the opportunity to make those choices.

I'm thankful for this morning. I've gotten some nice quiet time, before any of the kids have woken up. I made banana bread, which is baking in the oven. I've listed another item on etsy. I have 12 on there right now. Still no sales, but I haven't done a whole lot to market my shop either.

My little dumplin' has been hanging out breech most of the pregnancy, but I think they are trying to turn around. I think it's neat. I'm so excited about meeting them soon.

I'm currently reading Maternal Fitness. So far I like it and am looking forward to learning and trying out the routines in it. I have noticed some spreading of my abs, though I don't think it's beyond the norm for what I normally have, and I've always been able to get them back together easily. However, it has been a paranoia of mine this time around. If I can to do something to
help strengthen those muscles while pregnant so they don't seperate so much, I'm willing to try. I'm planning to get back to doing prenatal yoga as well. I think the 2 combined will prove to be a great benefit for me in many ways.

I'm really looking forward to fall. I'm already imagining the leaves and greeting my girls as they come home from school. Eating the harvests from our garden. Having my baby in my arms. The autumn air. I know it isn't even summer yet, and I think part of my thing is summer just means I have to wait for all those great things. I'm ready to not be pregnant anymore though. Not because I'm having a horrible pregnancy, but because I'm so excited about this little person growing inside me. I'm excited to meet them, find out what they are, smell that sweet newborn smell, hold those little itty bitty feet and hands. *Sigh* But I have all summer to wait. So I suppose I will, since I don't want my baby to come before they are ready.

So far I haven't had any sales at my etsy shop. However, I'm not going to give up.

My girls are now registered for public school. I'm not thrilled about this, but it is what it is. They got their CAT tests back and personally I was really pleased with how they did, although one is struggling with math some and language mechanics. Everything else she was doing really well with.

Today I finally started really praying instead of mumbling and grumbling. It's one thing to say you're going to do something, it's a totally other thing to truly understand the purpose behind what you are doing. I've had a lot on my mind lately and have been very stressed and have worked really hard to hold my tongue. Holding my tongue did not stop those things from eating me up inside. It just kept me from sharing that with others. Today, I laid it before God. All of it. I know it's something that I need to continue to do, if I truly want the results I'm going for. I'm thankful for the challenge from K-Love and hope that by the time the challenge is over, I will have grown spiritually and that it won't be like saying I'm not going to eat chocolate for a month and then pigging out on chocolate the moment that month is over.

I had a beautiful "vision" the other night. I was really upset and was trying to center myself. I imagined myself as a tree planted by a river of water. As I took each breath I imagined my roots sprouting, then my trunk growing, on up to my branches and leaves. As I imagined my core it was full of light and love and my baby. It was beautiful and amazing. Almost as much as the time I had, what I refer to as, a spiritual ultrasound. I was doing a similar meditation and I saw my baby like I would in an ultrasound and it was beautiful and sweet and I felt all warm and lit up inside. I'm so excited about this baby. I actually don't, currently, have stress or fears or worries about adding this baby to our family. I think it's the first pregnancy I've had where I've felt this at peace about the little one growing within me.

Today one of my girls' teams had a pool party. The families were there. As fun as these gatherings are, I also don't like them. I'm painfully shy and unless someone asks me something, I usually don't feel like I have a lot to say. A lot of times, at these things, no one talks to me and I have a really hard time striking up conversations. Today I did get a few things said and a couple people talked to me a little, but I certainly wasn't involved in any getting to know you better conversations. I feel like an outsider. It's awkward and boring. Honestly the only reason I have friends is because people talked to me first and for some reason, found my answers to their questions interesting. It is not awkward, because I don't like people or am snobby, although I know some people think that's what my problem is, but because I just don't know what to say. I've tried to strike up conversations before but almost always they end up with me feeling awkward. It's harder when I'm in a group of people who have A LOT in common with each other, but I really don't seem to. Thankfully my girls aren't as shy as I am. They are great at making friends. I just wish I had an easier time of it.

Hopefully I'm not mumbling or grumbling with that.

I haven't listed anything at my etsy shop, http://www.etsy.com/shop/littlemrsnikki in the past couple of days, but do plan to soon. So far I have no sales, but at least I'm taking a step and a risk by having my items out there. We'll see what happens with that.

I haven't been as stressed the past couple of days as I had been, but I certainly have plenty of it left. I'm ready to just get rid of anything and everything that seems to only take up space. I've told my husband I no longer want to discuss his job hunting as I don't want to get my hopes up that he'll actually try to go somewhere on my list of "want to go there.." I am honestly sick of thinking about what the educational options are for my girls and am leaving that to him to handle since it was his idea, originally, to place them back into an out of home school. All I want to do right now is be prepared for this baby to come and enjoy my family as is. What we are right now, where we are right now, with what we have right now. And not worry at all about tomorrow anymore.

Success

I feel like yesterday was a success for me.

I'm working towards a challenge from K-Love radio called "No mumbling, No grumbling". I can look at yesterday in 2 ways. One way would be as a failure. I did mumble and grumble a bit. Or I can look at it as a success. Despite the mumbling and grumbling I did slip out, I managed to pay a lot more attention to what I was thinking and what I was saying. This helped me to not mumble and grumble near as much as I normally would've. Personally, I'd rather view it in that light. It makes it much more likely for me to reach the ultimate goal of spending more time in prayer and focused on being positive than on whether or not I'm going to fail.

I had a good sized to do list yesterday as well. For me, it meant taking a few risks. Risks that seem pretty silly to think of as risks, but for me it meant trusting. I'm not good at trusting. I managed to successfully achieve my goals for the day, though. I sent some artwork to a friend (I actually did that this morning) in hopes that she can use them in her shop (check out Ki Cross on facebook or myspace.) once she opens it up in August. I'm not a great artist. I've hardly taken art classes. I mainly doodle. However, I took a chance and sent her some of my work. Whether or not she likes it, and can use it, is still to be determined. The point is, I stepped out and did it. I did something that put me at risk of being criticized. I don't like criticism. I deal with too much negative non-constructive critcisim. Not only did I send my artwork to her, but I also opened up my Etsy shop again. Right now I'm putting jewelry I've made on there. Last time I tried to sell something on Etsy my items were removed for violating a patent. Although I saw PLENTY of other items similar to mine on there. That should've been clue enough for me NOT to try those. However, so far I haven't found much jewelry on there like the stuff I make. I was inspired by the things I used to make with notebook wire in high school. Hopefully at least one of these ventures will help me start bringing in an income, but even if they don't, at least I stepped out and I tried. You can check out my etsy shop by going to:

http://www.etsy.com/shop/LittleMrsNikki

Life

I know today is an important holiday in which to remember all that we have and the sacrifice of those who made it possible and are no longer with us. However, I haven't really thought much about it today.

Today, I'm trying to let go. Let go of stress, worry, doubt, fear, and any other toxicities within myself.

I've been out of school for a month now and have gotten used to it. I'm not even thinking about whether or not I will return in the fall, because it so dependent on too many factors. Right now, though, I'm not really feeling it.

My girls on the other hand will be taking a break from homeschooling next year and attending a public school. This was a hard one for me, but I know that the decision that's been made is the right one. We just started using our new stuff and I think it's been great. I wish I'd just started using it when I got it, though.

I have so much on my mind lately that I've been feeling a lot of different emotions. Some might say it's hormones and pregnancy. I don't agree. It's more than that. I just don't know how to talk about it.

A friend of mine informed me of a challenge from our favorite radio station that I'm going to try. Starting tomorrow we are supposed to go to God in prayer instead of mumbling and grumbling. Since I've been doing a lot of mumbling and grumbling lately and not much in the way of prayer and have started noticing it as a problem, I feel that it was a confirmation that it's time for me to just stop. And a sign of the strength that I can just stop. I've been getting a lot of little confirmations lately about different things.

I've made some jewelry that I'm going to start listing on etsy tomorrow and I'm excited about it. I also have been working on some art for a friend to use in her shop. Hopefully both will turn out to be successes for me.

I now have a serger and used it to make some cloth wipes for our impending arrival. I plan to use it on the sewing projects I've been helping my girls with as well. They're almost done. Just need to get through the final couple of steps. But with how I've been feeling lately I haven't gotten around to it.

Thankfully, though, I found a church in the area that both my kids and I like and we plan to continue attending. I think it will be very good for us.

The urge to purge, rearrange, and reorganize

That's what I have. Yet there isn't a whole lot I can do with the space we have. If our "guest room" was available I'd be able to easily set things up the way I need to, but we're letting family stay there for a while. I need space to practice massage and don't really feel I have it.

I also have a strong urge to sew. I have lots of things I want to make, but at this time I don't have a serger and the stuff I want to make needs to be serged if I really want it to last.

I have this strong energy of productivity within, but feel like I can't use it on the things it's thriving to be used for. If that makes any sense. I have plenty of stuff I could use it on. It's just not what is calling to me. That doesn't mean I'm not working on those other things, of course. I just feel artistically stifled.

Somedays I feel so artistically suffocated I think I could explode. I have a great life, but there is more to me than I've been and it frustrates me because I don't know how to express the other parts of me.

Dreams are funky things...

...and mine just don't make much sense lately. I know I have a lot going on, but sometimes my dreams make me feel like I'm Alice falling down the rabbit hole. I usually can pick out in them things from the course of the day, or things I'm feeling and/or experiencing. It's the little details lately that have gotten to me. Like people who show up in them and sometimes things that happen in them. Maybe I should take my dreams and write some books with them. That's what others do.

School is going well, I think. I'm almost finished with the first semester, which is exciting. Right now our main focus is muscles and I have to say, it's cool. The way they feel once you know what they are and what they are doing changes your perspective, or at least mine. Although some of them are a little scary. The other night I was feeling one up in behind the shoulder blade and I made a girls arm go tingly all the up to her neck. The teacher said I may have struck an endangerment sight. Now I'm a little iffy about getting into the deep hidden away muscles. I'm just hoping I can retain the information, but we have a great teacher who understands there are more ways to learn than just one.

Homeschooling is going ok. I've bought some real curriculum and can't wait to really plan our use of it out and get started with it. I think my kids are doing ok now, but could definetly be doing better with these better resources.

It's March

Again it's been a while since I posted. I've been really busy with school. Thankfully I did really well on my practical. Got a 98% and was told I did awesome. That made me feel really good since I'd been having a horrible week. Just the day before I'd gotten a 62 (which is an F in my school) on my muscle naming test. Plus I was feeling like crap about myself anyway. I won't throw a pitty party on here, since it isn't necessary. But I am feeling somewhat better now.

I'm really glad Spring is starting to arrive. I can't wait to get out in my garden and just outside in general. I love snow and all, but I don't love cold. It might not be so bad if I was actually able to participate in some winter sports or something. I don't think I could handle living in Alaska though, because I'm really excited about the sunny days we are finally getting, as though the sun hasn't shown since fall.

Haven't posted in a while

And I still don't have a whole lot to say. Been busy with school. Loving it. Learning prenatal massage right now. It's only confirmed for me that that is the modality I really want to be strong in. Among others.