August 28, 2011

Lately, I've had a lot on my mind. There is the process of moving. We're still in limbo on a few things, there. There is homeschooling. Finally got most of our school supplies. The kids can't stand to wait one more week, so we'll be starting that adventure tomorrow! They are very excited, as am I. I'm definitely better organized this time. On top of those things, there is the normal worries. However, I also have some big curiosities.

The parable of the talents has been on my mind a lot. You can find it in Matthew 25. I know that there is a move in my heart to start taking my gifts and talents seriously and trusting that they are good enough. That I am good enough. These are things that I could easily do around my kids. Things that wouldn't take much away from my family, but instead richly bless our family. Not just as an income, but in many other ways as well. Counter to that concept I have also been thinking of potentially working toward doula certification, yoga instructor certification, traditional naturopathy training, and practical midwife certification. Those are not things I can do around my family so much. I'd be working to complete training for all of those over the next 5 years. But is that the right choice to make? I don't know. It's a lot of stuff and a lot of time. I could always do just one of those, but I feel they all go hand in hand. Different ways, like massage, to treat the whole body. It'd be really cool to be like an old fashioned medicine woman. And maybe in time I will go that route. The question is, I guess, do I do it now or wait until my kids are older.

I've also had mortality on my mind. I'm young, but young people do die sometimes. I don't know why I've been having thoughts about it. They always leave me sad and wondering where my priorities lie, what could I be doing differently, and what is my life about. The idea of not being here for my kids breaks my heart. But even our kids shouldn't come before God. I fear death. I fear not living purposefully, but instead being a life wasted through idleness. I don't get out much, share God's love much, or make much of a difference in this world, I don't think. Will my life be a blessing to God? Is it a blessing? I pray I have a long time to figure that out.

August 20th

1 year ago I was in early labor. I can not believe it's been a year. My life has changed so much since then. Though, being pregnant and having a baby set back a few things for me, it only made me more determined to achieve what I had set out to do. I'm now graduated from school, have made many personal growth steps, and am just stronger. Stronger in my faith in God, my faith in myself, in life, in my family, and in possibility.

The other day I was reading about unjobbing. From the description, it's basically the career goal I have always had. Doing various things that I love and getting paid for it. Not necessarily having one job with set hours and set income. I love to write and am already getting revved up about NaNoWriMo. Last year I got the bones for the first book, in a 7 book series, I plan to write. This year, I hope to get the bones for book 2. I'm going in with no predisposed concept of what or where the book should go or even who the characters will be aside from the couple of main characters. I also have some children's book ideas, I'm hoping to move forward with over the next year. I also love crafting. I love to sew, knit, crochet, cross stitch, paint, woodwork, pottery. Just all kinds of things. One friend described me as being good with my hands. Though easily taken out of context, he is right. Like the virtuous woman, of Proverbs 31, I do enjoy working willingly with my hands. With the desire I have to homeschool, which I will be doing this year, and my need to work around my husband's schedule (it just works best for our family) I don't see why I don't use the gifts that God has blessed me with. They are doable, even around our life. It's not like I'm hoping to live off the money, though that would be awesome. However, the extra that it would bring in, would be a blessing. And so over the course of the next year, I hope to move towards using my gifts as the virtuous woman also used hers, to help support her family, without taking away from her family. At least not taking too much away. I'm considering becoming a certified doula and yoga instructor as well. I mean they go well with massage and give me more options.

I honestly don't know what my point is. I'm just "thinking out loud".