Ninety Percent

I have been overwhelmed by all my wants, desires, feelings, etc... for a very long time. I've been praying and asking God what should I be doing, while at the same time pursuing what I thought I should be doing.

This Sunday, as I sat in the pew, after service, God answered me, yet again. Just as He had to do with our forefathers (and mothers), He has had to remind me over and over, because I'm dreadful at remembering. Speaking through a wonderful woman, He spoke to my heart. She told me of how she once read, in a book, (this is the not exactly version) that we should take our top 3 priorities and dedicate 90% of our focus to them. Whatever falls to the wayside falls, as long as those 3 things are strong.

It's easy to say that my top 3 priorities in life are 1. God 2. Family 3. My homestead. However, when assessing my priorities and focus, I had to admit, they are the things that go to the wayside most often. Some may ask how that is possible, when I give so much of my time to fellowship, homeschooling my children, and being at home. The answer, my body may be here, but my heart and mind have wandered.

It is my goal and my hope that, as I continue to grow in this life, that my yeses will be yeses and my nos nos. That I will be better and better at letting go and letting things fall to the wayside, in order to not sacrifice my top 3 priorities. For what good is it, if I gain the whole world, but have lost these things? I've allowed myself to be distracted by lesser things and have missed out on enough already. I see that this is an opportunity for me to learn to follow through and give all I am and all I have, and then some, if I'm willing to do the hard work.

Yesterday, I set my phone aside, and I watched through out the day as my boys wrestled and played. I watched as Blessing #5 chased our chickens around, trying to pet them. Then I saw Blessings #3 and 4 try to protect #5 from our turkey toms before climbing the gate into our chicken, run leaving Blessing #5 crying on the outside. I took pictures of the flour disaster they left all over my kitchen last night.

Today I spent the day doing my best to give my focus to them.We picked mulberries together, collecting just over a small bucket full. Blessing #5, wearing just his birthday suit, became covered in mulberry juice stains, and possibly poison ivy. Blessing #4 was eating berries here and there and licking juice, from smashed berries, off of his fingers. As I worked on making mulberry leather, I could hear them, and glance over to see them, playing with their legos together or wrestling around and building forts out of cushions, blankets, and chairs.

Though, I got frustrated with the messes they made, I can look back on today, on yesterday, as successes. Successes in focusing on my top priorities.

It doesn't matter if I have to say no to others, or have to wait to do something I really *want* to do, or get something I really *want* to have, etc... what matters is how I invest in my relationship with God, my connections with my family, and the care and appreciation of everything God has given me stewardship over.

How Blinded We Are by Our Foolish Pride.

  It amazes me, how foolish I've been over my lifetime. All the things I missed appreciating, because of my blindness. It makes sense that we don't know what we've got until it is gone.

   I came across a couple of cards my husband gave me years ago. One was a birthday card, the other an anniversary card. Both with similar sentiments, "I'll love you forever." I'm not a big crier, but I felt a little dew creep to the surface of my eyes.

    Candidly speaking, I didn't believe him, when he gave me the cards. I was too busy holding tight to the baggage I had enter into our marriage with. Baggage that, until recently, weighed me down and had me living as though it was only a matter of time.

    Sometimes, it takes a good "slap in the face", to wake us up to see beyond our clouded perspectives. Especially when someone is as stubborn as I am. Thank God, He knows how to get my attention, even if it takes a decade or so.

     As the storm that was brewing, has settled down, though, I doubt it is over quite yet, I find it more difficult to remember to lean on Him. How easily we forget. Yet, He doesn't stop drawing me back, reminding me that, in the rain and in the shine I am His and He is mine.

     So often, I look at life as though it's all about here. Lately, however, He has been stirring in me that, all these things are really about Him. That it isn't really about my relationship with my husband, but about my relationship with God. After all Matthew 6:33 states that we are to "seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness."

      When our relationship, with God, becomes a priority, treated with the utmost passion, desire, and dedication, He takes care of the rest. He is our healer, our portion, our ever present help in time of need. He has certainly been faithful to me as I have needed Him, even when I think I don't.

       As my relationship with Him grows, my understanding of love grows, making me more capable of loving my husband and letting go of petty things and wrong expectations, and helping me to see past what he *should* be doing to "What am I doing?". I'm finding the courage to believe, hope, and to trust God, with everything. I still have a long ways to go, but I find peace in knowing that I am on the path towards success.

      Knowing that God can change us, just as He changed Saul/Paul, it's amazing and it fills me with joy and delight. It feels good to at least scratch the surface, and to hunger after going deeper. God is mighty and when He moves, if we are willing, He will do miraculous things.