It's just a few hours until Thanksgiving day. I have much to be thankful for. I thought it'd be fun to share some of the things I am thankful for. I know it matters more what I do with the blessings in my life, but I think it's also important to share them. Not only to encourage and inspire others, but to really open ourselves to all the little things that matter.

I'm thankful for being in charge of dinner this year. I've never really been in charge of Thanksgiving dinner before. My husband has worked on Thanksgiving day only 1 other time that I can think of, but he still planned our meal and everything. All I did was put the turkey in the oven. This year however, I got to do the planning (with him helping me out when I needed it.). I got to plan the schedule for how it's all going to run as well as who is going to do what. It's going to be a small Thanksgiving. Just us and the kids. As much as I'd LOVE to have more company, because I love having company, I'm still thankful that it'll be just us. An intimate Thanksgiving.

I'm thankful for my kids and all the joy and light they bring into my life. This one can be so easily forgotten when I'm pretty much with them 24/7. I suppose that could be one benefit to an out of home school. I'd actually have to miss my kids. Although, I do when I'm at school. I have been so blessed to have these 3 not so perfect little ones in my life. They fight, they bicker, they whine, they complain. They make messes they don't clean up and blame others without ever taking responsibility for their actions or choices. They can destroy a room in a matter of seconds. And they can push my buttons as easily as they can change the chanel on the tv. They scream and yell as they run around the house playing like wild animals. They often forget their manners and hardly ever appreciate all they have. And I so often fall into the trap of seeing all those things, that I forget all the good there is to see. These wonderful little people, who are growing and blossoming right before my eyes as time runs away with them. I often forget that this is just ONE day and, if tomorrow comes, there will be a new opportunity to give them my best. And it breaks my heart to think I fail them, but I know (even when I don't always believe) that I'll only really fail, if I give up. The truth is, yeah they really CAN be like that. However, they are also eager to help with chores they love. Whether it be washing dishes, vacuuming, raking leaves, or sweeping. They give some of the best hugs and kisses ever. They are creative and funny and amazing. They take care of one another. They are blooming and blossoming each and every day and some of the things that annoyed me yesterday are becoming a distant memory as they learn their manners and how to treat others. As their worlds open and their hearts expand beyond themselves. Desiring to share with and care for others. They have taught me so much.

I'm thankful for my husband. The ups and downs and ins and outs. The growth and the strength. The friendship and love that we share. It hasn't been easy for us. There have been times when it has seemed like the world was against us, but we still strive. We still thrive. We're growing and learning so much together. And even though we aren't always in the same place or on the same level, things manage to find a way to balance us out. I've had my doubts and I'm sure he's had his, but at this time, I have peace about us and I'm thankful for that.

I got a B in A&P. A B that could've and should've been an A. But for some reason my brain and my hand were not well coordinated and instead of writing nucleolus like I was thinking, my hand wrote nucleotide and my brain for some reason didn't realize the discrepincy. However my teacher did and KNEW I knew the right answer. Oh well. Now I know I need to not only review my answers before turning in my tests (which I did not do...) I also need to work on focusing. I've been losing focus a little lately, although I think I might be getting back on track now. It can be rough going to school and homeschooling all while trying to keep the family happy and growing. My kids haven't been focused lately either.

Not a lot has been going on here, other than that.

So tonight in class the teacher asked us to tell something we learned today. I said that "S.O.A.P. notes aren't as scarey as I had thought" What I should've said was that I've learned recently that I worry too much about being good enough, which leads me to being sensitive to criticism a little more than your average person. It was brought to my attention from 2 people. My A&P teacher, who has told me to stop worrying so much. I'm doing wonderfully in class and my worrying is adding exteremely unnecassary stress to me. Then my husband. I vent to him everything I want to be good enough at that I'm not sure I am. The other day he basically told me that I needed to trust in what I can do and harbor confidence (no those weren't his exact words). And you know what, of course, they are right. I fret and stress over how good of a mom I am, are my children really learning and growing like they "should", am I going to keep doing well in school, am I really good at this that or the next thing. I'm so afraid of adding another failure to my L O N G list of failures that I'm making myself somewhat sick over it all. And for what? No real reason. I never realized before how obsessed I am with wanting to be good enough, but feeling like (for the most part) I'm not. I don't know why I feel that way or where it comes from. But I'm ready to get over it and let it go and grow and blossom. It has been a HUGE hinderance in my life and in my ability to succeed. Today our teacher shared the story of the young girl who asks her grandpa which wolf inside her will win. The grandpa says "Whichever one you feed" Obviously, I need to stop feeding into fear and worry and doubt and start feeding into confidence and faith and peace.