Discipline

"Tweet! Tweet! Tweet! Tweetweetweetweet!" The song of the birds, wandering through the window, as the sun comes up over the horizon. The air isn't humid and heavy, just yet, but nice and cool. The family is still caught up in their subconscious adventures. I sit, with God, and breath. I am at peace.

This is how my days have been starting and I must say, it has been a pure blessing to open up such a fresh start. To check my attitude and assess and prepare myself for the journey that is beginning. Allowing myself to prayerfully decide what goals I will pursue this day.

I'm not used to living day by day, moment by moment. I'm often found in my thoughts and pondering the should be and could be. But God is changing me, morning by morning, day by day. With tomorrow not being guaranteed, I am striving to live today to the fullest.

In these weeks, that the Lord has been growing this appreciation within me, I've been privy to the view of the changes in my family as well. The attitudes, the frustrations, the fighting are all dissipating and love and kindness have been growing.

It delights my heart to know, that as I become more disciplined in my own heart and mind, my children see how to do it more and more.

I was recently reading the Dr. Sears "The Discipline Book". I've at least skimmed through this book before, thinking, "This is great and all, but I'm too late and my children must already be doomed." This time however, I'm realizing what is more important than trying to discipline my children, is learning to be disciplined myself. After all, how can I give my children, what I do not already possess? And so, I venture into a quest to become more aware and grow the discipline within myself, that my children may be able to see and learn as I grow and change.

My words may be as many as the stars in the skies, but they will not have the imprint upon my children in the same powerful way as my actions.

The Dutiful Wife

I've spent my marriage leaning on the modern day thinking that the "dutiful wife" is a misogynistic ideal that women should fight against. I've allowed resentment to build up over all that I think my husband expects of me and my unmet expectations of him.

The thing is, I didn't even realize how much I was doing this, let alone how horribly it was impacting my marriage.

It wasn't until one friend, recently, advised me to take a look at myself, to ask myself, what am I truly happy doing? What is it that makes me feel the most like me. I began to reflect on the way I've been living. Honestly what makes me happy is God, family, friends, music, and art in all different forms. Yet hardly any of my time is being spent on such investments. So where has my time, attention, and energy been going? Into my resentment.

As I began to acknowledge the areas in my life that have been poisoned, by this idea that my husband owes me, for staying home and raising our children, my eyes began to open to other revelations.

Talking to a different friend, softened my heart and freed my mind to an understanding I think my generation is so blind to. The idea of what the "dutiful wife" truly is. It is not the idea that the woman is somehow less than the man. That she is of little value and must earn what value she does hold. No, the truth is that the dutiful wife is a woman who understands the value of time. She is willing to invest in holding up her career with honor and passion. She appreciates the importance of having real free time with her husband and her family.

I've known many women who feel that her husband's day job is just one thing. In some cases these women have had the same attitude many have of homemakers. The truth is, our husbands are sacrificing time with their families to provide for us. Though we do not owe them, we should want to give them, the freedom to come home, relax and enjoy the ones they are working so hard for. Whether we believe their job is difficult or not, I ask, how many of us women think it is easy to go to work and leave behind our children, our spouses? It isn't! That is why women struggle so much with the decision to work or not to! Men are often expected to regardless. The decision isn't so available to them, as it is to women.

I am learning, now, what it means to be joyful in what I do. I may not like the tasks, but they are worth completing in order to be able to have more quality time with my family in the long run. Not only that, but a change in thinking, a change in attitude, about what it is we are doing and why, will change the attitude of our children as well. When we carry the mindset of "Why can't he do this?" or "This is his job not mine" are we not teaching our children to be the same way when we ask them or tell them to do something? "Why should I?"

It's time for us to wear the honor of being dutiful wives, to turn from this idea that our spouses day job isn't enough. That somehow he has to earn time with his family, and a place in his home, by doing things at home. If we are going to take on the career of homemaker then let us do it with all our hearts, throwing out foolish notions and ideals, and taking advantage of our opportunities, to make our families stronger, healthier, and happier.

6 am, but I'm Not Lonely

      Over the past couple of weeks, I've been waking up, usually, between 6 and 7 am. No alarm, or anything. It takes me a few minutes, sometimes a while, to actually get out of bed. I lay there and thank the Lord for our quiet times together. I've really needed them.

       As I make my way down the gently sunlit stairs, I can hear the songs of the birds, praising Him. I grab my black pew bible, my pastor offers to anyone who doesn't have their own, and curl up, on the couch, in the corner of our fireplace room.

       I continue my conversation with my Abba Father. It's another beautiful day. The light, that lays across my house, is peaceful and welcoming. The sounds of the morning, like a joyous chorus, greeting the new day. I know God is saying "Good morning. I love you. Have a blessed day."

       I feel tired, achey, and exhausted, yet I have 2 choices. The first to just fall asleep. The other, to put away my desires for those of my God. I choose to open His word and begin reading, where I left off the day before. Every morning something speaks to me and it's just what I need for the day, although, many days I lose focus. When I realize I'm losing my grasp, I turn my eyes towards heaven I call out. He is there already, waiting to pick me back up. I'm getting better and better about turning to Him, and letting go of my own understanding, but it is still something I have to work towards.

        With our morning "snuggles" enjoyed, I go out and care for our animals. Admittedly, that has been an off and on thing. Sometimes my husband carries that duty. I might tend our garden while I'm out there as well. If I'm really motivated, I may even run a little. (If you can call it running. :) )

          If the children haven't awoken, before I return from my outdoor responsibilities, I start doing what I can to freshen up the house, though I know moments after they descend my house will be in ruins yet again. No one may ever know the work I put into the care of my home, or my family, aside from God and myself, but that's what is most important. So, I do my best to do what I do unto the Lord, because I will never make everyone happy, but I can choose to be happy and joyfilled in my King. It still takes a lot of work with this as well. Plenty of times I fail. I fail everyday at something, though.

         That's why I need these mornings more than I need sleep, for He gives rest to my soul. I need them more than I need breakfast, for He is the bread of life. He is my strength and my refuge. The lifter up of my soul. I may be going through trials and tribulations, or maybe I think everything is all peaches and cream in the world, regardless, my God is with me and I want to be in Him as He is in me. I love the song 'Come to the River'. I believe these mornings are my opportunity to start fresh and take a spiritual shower in the river of God's love.

Swing Batter Batter

It's not easy to admit our faults and accept criticism from others. Sometimes it takes years, even decades, before the message sinks into our thick skulls. But it's true, we all have faults. We all have weaknesses.

One of mine is finishing what I start. I come by this honestly, as my mother has the same issue. It's not that I can't finish a project and many times I do, but enough times, I dream and plan and then nothing comes of it. This happens for various reasons. Sometimes, it's the realization of the cost. Other times it's fear, doubt, and procrastination. And sometimes, it's because I get sidetracked. That actually happens a lot.

The thing is, God has been bringing this weakness to my attention over and over, for the past few months, using different tactics. I know it's something that needs to change. There are so many "projects" I've started that should be completed. God has a purpose for them.

What is it that you have started but, for some reason, haven't finished? What might happen if you actually did finish? Those are questions I have asked myself. It's a long list.

It's time for me to step up to the plate, stop planning, and start swinging the bat. I just pray God gives me the strength, courage, boldness, etc. that I need to reach the finish line. Not just with my projects, or with the things I have going on or want to have going on in this life, but for that moment when I step across the line, and leave this life behind.

When I go, I want to be able to say, "I tried and I fought. I didn't quit or give up, even though many times I thought I would."

Now is the time to make things happen and let God deal with the anxieties and overwhelming feelings.

Prayers appreciated, because I could use the strength of agreement.