The Dutiful Wife

I've spent my marriage leaning on the modern day thinking that the "dutiful wife" is a misogynistic ideal that women should fight against. I've allowed resentment to build up over all that I think my husband expects of me and my unmet expectations of him.

The thing is, I didn't even realize how much I was doing this, let alone how horribly it was impacting my marriage.

It wasn't until one friend, recently, advised me to take a look at myself, to ask myself, what am I truly happy doing? What is it that makes me feel the most like me. I began to reflect on the way I've been living. Honestly what makes me happy is God, family, friends, music, and art in all different forms. Yet hardly any of my time is being spent on such investments. So where has my time, attention, and energy been going? Into my resentment.

As I began to acknowledge the areas in my life that have been poisoned, by this idea that my husband owes me, for staying home and raising our children, my eyes began to open to other revelations.

Talking to a different friend, softened my heart and freed my mind to an understanding I think my generation is so blind to. The idea of what the "dutiful wife" truly is. It is not the idea that the woman is somehow less than the man. That she is of little value and must earn what value she does hold. No, the truth is that the dutiful wife is a woman who understands the value of time. She is willing to invest in holding up her career with honor and passion. She appreciates the importance of having real free time with her husband and her family.

I've known many women who feel that her husband's day job is just one thing. In some cases these women have had the same attitude many have of homemakers. The truth is, our husbands are sacrificing time with their families to provide for us. Though we do not owe them, we should want to give them, the freedom to come home, relax and enjoy the ones they are working so hard for. Whether we believe their job is difficult or not, I ask, how many of us women think it is easy to go to work and leave behind our children, our spouses? It isn't! That is why women struggle so much with the decision to work or not to! Men are often expected to regardless. The decision isn't so available to them, as it is to women.

I am learning, now, what it means to be joyful in what I do. I may not like the tasks, but they are worth completing in order to be able to have more quality time with my family in the long run. Not only that, but a change in thinking, a change in attitude, about what it is we are doing and why, will change the attitude of our children as well. When we carry the mindset of "Why can't he do this?" or "This is his job not mine" are we not teaching our children to be the same way when we ask them or tell them to do something? "Why should I?"

It's time for us to wear the honor of being dutiful wives, to turn from this idea that our spouses day job isn't enough. That somehow he has to earn time with his family, and a place in his home, by doing things at home. If we are going to take on the career of homemaker then let us do it with all our hearts, throwing out foolish notions and ideals, and taking advantage of our opportunities, to make our families stronger, healthier, and happier.