A Time to Learn

We never stop growing and learning, as long as we are open to life. In my life, I am learning a lot lately.

For instance, I've recently come to accept that I'm disrespectful to my children. A fact I never really noticed, until I got fed up with some disrespectful behavior from my son. The truth is, I haven't set the best example. I have been known to barge right into their room. No knock, asking for permission, or anything. Just waltzing right in. Though, I do own the place, that is not a good enough reason to behave like that.

Not only that, but I've also had a habit of interrupting. It started when I found myself unable to get a word in edgewise, with many people, unless I just threw my words out there.

Then there is my lack of manners. Though, at times, I say please and thank you and ask for their help, I more often than not demand my way and yell and shout if I have to. I even reach the point of throwing out empty threats.

Oh, but that is not all, folks, I am a horrible loser. Yesterday, during a game of Risk, as I sat there being attacked by the alliance of my sons, I became so upset that I quit, because it just wasn't fun. (Really, it isn't fun to play a game when everyone is against you and you are accomplishing nothing with your only hope being to continue down the spiral of doom.) Today, I lost at chess and blamed one of my blessings for distracting me with what they were talking about.

Yeah. I'm a jerk. A childish, petty, sad, little person. At least some of the time. I'm not always this bad, but we are supposed to confess our sins to one another, that we might receive edification.

Looking at Blessing #6, I can't help but be in awe of life and people and... my babies. Yet, so quickly I've gone from doting to feeling as though we are at war with one another and wondering how in the world it all happened.

I'll tell you how I think it happened. I stopped doting on them. By doting, I don't me spoiling and treating them as though they are gods. No, I mean sharing my heart openly and freely with them. Telling them often that they are special to me, that I love them, that I thank God for them. Hugging them and kissing them. I don't know how or why, I just know that it has.

Why am I confessing all this? Because, I'm not alone and I want others dealing with the same issues to know they are not alone. To know that they can learn, grow, and overcome.

Since realizing my poor behavior, I've begun to pray about it and to ask, politely, more often. I've begun knocking on my daughters' door and asking permission to enter. I've been trying harder to actively listen with the reminder in my heart that listening is not about preparing my reply, but about taking in what is being given out and drawing closer to the one who is sharing it.

Having opened my eyes to my need for change, I am striving to be better. Moment by moment, choice by choice. Sure, I won't always make the right choice. I can be a pretty emotional person. However, I can still move forward, step by step, choice by choice. Not so that my children will become more respectful, though I do hope they do for the sake of their future families and friendships, but more so, so that I will be worthy of their respect. That I may be more like the virtuous woman.