I'm emotional. Not pregnant. Not on the pill, anymore... Yet emotional. Not normal for me. I'm crying at the drop of a hat. I'm really sensitive. Why? I'm stressed... What do I have to be stressed about? I'm home all the time and have the blessing to be homeschooling! I'm stressed over lots of things. Mostly things I shouldn't be. I've recently applied for a few jobs. I'm stressed over the idea of getting one and how that might affect (effect? I always forget when to use the a/e) school and my family dynamics. However, it would be benifical for us financially and for me independently. I'm also stressed over, what if I don't get a job? I look at our situation and really it is not bad at all, however, by my own personal desires and standards (For ME...) I would like to be doing better, because I know we CAN be. So far I've heard nothing and I know that I won't be getting one of the 3 jobs I've applied for. I'm stressed over school. I worry about forgetting to do the things that aren't due imediately and not having them when they are due. I'm worried about failing even though, currently, I'm doing fantastically. What if I forget the important things? What if I don't learn something? I know, it's pretty uncool to worry when I know how to NOT worry. They taught us some great techniques for overcoming these worries. So WHY am I still freaking out on the inside? I don't know. I think it's partially due to all the things I want and not knowing what I want the most, even when I lay out pros/cons and priorities. I'm indecisive. I do know that my family and school come first (after the Lord of course!) so if a job had a negative influence on either I'd have to let it go. What else am I stressed about? I suppose having non-imediate family living with us. It was my idea and it was a great idea. However, there are days where I think, y'know... But I want to help out as much as I can and that was why I came up with the idea in the first place. So we will see. I know I'm stressed over other things too, I'm just not sure what, yet. I've had moments where I've felt so low that I wondered, what benefit am I? What am I giving to this world or even to my family? I could never off myself (or anyone else) nor could I ever just walk out the door, but lately, I've seriously wondered if people would be better off without me. I mean what do I really do for others? My kids don't listen to me or respect me most of the time. And that is something I SHOULD'VE nipped in the bud a long time ago, but my husband and are I on 2 different planes in parenting and really most things. I spend a lot of time when I'm not working with the kids on learning or cleaning the house, doing nothing worth while. Somedays I wonder if I'm really helping the kids to learn anything. If it really was the right thing bringing them home. That answers gets confirmed everytime I consider the option of putting them into another school, though. So what do I do? I find a new way to work with them. That's what I do. I don't have a curriculum because they cost a chunk and I don't have that. So I've been doing what I can with what I do have. However, I've OBVIOUSLY been going about it the wrong way and am now making plans for a new way to go about it all. But it's stressful. Add to all that, that I haven't been sleeping well and I suppose that's why I'm having emotional breakdowns. As long as I'm not in seriously early menopause I suppose I'm ok.