It's a beautiful rainy morning here today. Although, it makes me miss the PNW a bit more. I'm sitting here in the near silence of my home, nursing my boy and relaxing. The only things I hear are the rain, my son's breathing, and the whirring of an appliance here and there. It's a great way to start the morning. Especially for someone who doesn't drink coffee. This is on of the things that makes me feel warm and fuzzy.
Today I'll be going to church. I actually enjoy church. I don't go because I'm obligated to. Maybe because I don't believe I have to go to church in order to be close to the Lord. I go because I enjoy the fellowship and because it fills me up in a way that my alone time with the Lord doesn't. Though that time is important to me too.
At this point in my life I'm really learning what it means to build a relationship with the Lord. And not just vicariously, but through my own efforts, desires, etc. I talk to the Lord as though I'm talking to my best friend. Like the Lord is just sitting on the couch with me, haning out. I've been trying to make sure to read the bible in the morning and at bedtime as well as implementing it in our school. I homeschool. The great thing is, the Lord has been speaking to me through the word. I know I have a lot more growing to do, but I'm excited about it.
Recently my relationship building with the Lord has been pouring out into my marraige. No marraige is easy and for me, it didn't help that when I got into mine, I was only 19 and pregnant. Mind you, we were already engaged before getting pregnant, so it wasn't a shot gun wedding or anything. Just a surprise bonus. I love my daughter and am thankful for her, but a lot of times I wish I had respected the Lord's desire for us to wait. I think it would've made some things a lot better for my marraige and my children. But alas I can't change that and through the grace of God I'm getting better. Through the Lord's grace I'm learning and growing and maturing into what a wife is meant to be and what a mother is meant to be. It's not easy. It's actually very hard work, because I'm having to change perspectives on a lot of things. But, it has definetly been worth it as I've seen my children draw closer to each other and to the Lord. And I've seen things change for the better between my husband and I. I'm thankful for all the Lord does and all the Lord is. I know in 5-10 years I'll look back and see that my life has blossomed so much.
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